if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
