Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
