So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
