They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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