I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
