Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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