Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
