If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
