sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
