He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
