Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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