I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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