Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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