In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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