she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
