yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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