Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
