my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
