She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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