I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
