WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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