Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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