The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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