I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
