new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
