Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
