I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
