Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
