well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
