he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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