Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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