so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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