Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
