just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
