we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
