Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Drunk is not a location!
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