My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
