You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
