Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
