I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize