Pappa wants mamma naked
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
