i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
