My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
third nipple confirmed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
