WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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