My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
