I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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