we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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