Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
