that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
