New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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