my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
