Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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