just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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