dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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