This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
