his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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