cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
