He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
