is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
