I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
