It was confusing and full of hummus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
