omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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