Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
