No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
