Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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