John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
