how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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