I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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