If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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