omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
