there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
