i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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