Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
