i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
