I think I died a long time ago.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
