We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
