we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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