forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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