i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
