And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
