I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
