he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
