i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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