I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
