Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
