dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
