I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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