If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
