cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
