she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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