guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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