John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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