When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
