One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
