Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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