a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
