after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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