you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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