Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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