Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
