You can't special order awesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
