the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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