I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
